Live Without Regret.

Live without regret. A phrase oft repeated on facebook statuses and inspirational stories that plague the internetz. It sounds awesome because the feeling of regret sucks, so a life where you live with no regret sounds great! I take issue with it though on a few levels.

The first thing that bothers me is how much 'fate' is called into play. What happens happens and I have no control over any of it. I blindly move through life letting life make the calls or deciding based on my present feelings. Fate with decide my life. The argument I hear often is that experiences make us who we are today, therefore I shouldn't regret my past at all. I understand that our past shapes who we are. What I don't understand is how everything becomes forgivable since apparently to regret a past experience or decision is to regret who we are today.
I'm good (for the most part) with who I am right now, but there are a few things, that if I could go back, I would do completely different. In one case (a relationship), I would not even contemplate even hanging out with her the first time. In fact, I'd choose never to know her at all. Would I have changed things? Yeah. Did the experience shape who I am today? Yeah. Is it a regret? Hellz to the yeah. But do I let it fill my thoughts and live in a perpetual state of regret? No. And that is where I diverge from common thinking. Regretting something doesn't mean living in a constant, masochistic state of regret and anguish. It is simply recognizing that the decision you made brought about more harm than good. Sure it shaped who you are today, but the other option would've also shaped you, so why go through the pain? I learned from my utter stupidity in dating that girl. But wouldn't have gone through a day of it just to learn what I did learn about myself. Not worth it. There are easier ways to learn. There are easier ways to live.


The second issue I have with living without regret is it's tendency to remove a sense of responsibility for your actions. You no longer see decisions as right or wrong. You simply see them as decisions. McDonald's or Burger King? A left at the stop, or a right? I can admit that some decision I've made have been the wrong decision. Asking that girl to hang out was the wrong decision. Actually, asking her to hang out wasn't the wrong decision. Staying with her even when I knew she was nothing but a big vat of trouble was the wrong decision. It wasn't just a left at the stop that ended up in the bad part of town. It was wrong for me to take the left.
But some don't see that. They only see experiences and decisions as just that: experiences and decision. Amoral.

The last issue I have with living without regret is that people use it as an excuse to do stuff. They say yes to every situation presented to them almost in fear of regretting not saying yes. Sure, I'm sure some things are good, a new job for instance. But a lot of the other stuff is just stupid crap. There needs to be a sense of discernment when you're given an opportunity. But unfortunately, people say yes to everything. Then things go south but they apparently don't regret it because it is just an experience. There is no right or wrong. Just life.

False. Show some damn responsibility for your life. Regret things you did wrong, learn from them, and move the hell on. After all, regret is natural. It reminds us not to make the same idiotic decisions time and time again.

Godspeed.
Ethan.